Sorry for the delay, the book is done!

I had fully intended on blogging about my experience writing the book about the death of my business. As you can see, I only had enough emotional energy to do one at a time. I promise now that the book is finished, I will use this blog to talk about the post book writing experience. How it will be painstakingly edited, and shopped for publishers. Even if I sell only one book, to my Mom, it will have been worth it. What a gift to be able to look back on this time in my life and truly know, through life experience, this was meant for a reason. I am not fully sure of all the reasons but I know a few things have been realized already. I thought the door on my marriage was closed and through hard work and counseling, we are on the road to recovery. I have now been formally introduced to my soul and enjoy meaningful conversations with the wisdom that is inside me. I hope others can come to know themselves the way I have been able to through this journey. Lastly, I have learned that life is just a bunch of ups and downs and they are inevitable. Enjoy the ups and know the downs will pass. For today, I am going to just enjoy the success of finishing this book 40,000 plus words later, I am healing from the death of my business and there is truly life after death…

The Craziness that is Fight Flight..

What is fight flight mode? Well, my life, for the past 18 months until now. Fight flight is when you are in a constant state of panic.  With that, comes poor decision making and serious stress. I was in fight mode during the bakery days and now I feel like I have swiftly moved into flight mode. I want to escape all the icky feelings associated with my business not making it. I want to run off to a secret island, fall apart and return full of spunk and confidence. I want to be the old me again. The one who was confident, present and happy. I try not to make this blog too down but today is one of those days that I am reminded of my bakery and all the craziness of it. Now it is all gone and I am not healed yet. I cannot seem to stay focused these days, hence the several weeks since last post, so I need to find a solution. I don't function well in fight mode, I don't function well in flight mode either. In order to stop this process, im going to do something I have never done before... I'm going to meditate in Sedona Arizona for 3 days, by myself. SCARY!! I think fight flight mode will continue to live within me unless I truly stop. Stop everything, breathe, and listen. Really quiet my very active, busy (grand central station) busy mind.
So, fight flight.. Be gone... I'm taking the boxing gloves off and and landing this plane!

It's all about execution..

I just spent the better part of today meeting with two small business owners trying to determine if I could help them with their marketing. Marketing and advertising is my expertise so I am confident we can get more people through the door in each business however, and a big however,,, If I bring more people into a business that is run by someone that is already overwhelmed, have I done them any service? I thought about this the entire way home today stuck in traffic on the 10 freeway. The bigger problem to work on with these small businesses is execution of the stuff they have going on now. I can relate to these guys because when I had the bakery, i would start my day with great ideas/ambitions and before I would know it, it was 6pm. What the hell did I do with this entire day? Poor execution.. That was my issue. Not because I didn't work well I just was unable to block out times during my day to execute my plan. I really needed a daily plan, weekly plan etc. So for these businesses that need my marketing help, Im going to start with execution help first. Once we have the engine running more effectively, then we can get more people in the door. Marketing needs to be done only when we are ready for the volume. In my daily life, I find execution is still an issue if I don't put out a daily to do list and have a plan. Start every day with a plan, even if you are an unemployed writer like myself.. Plans keep us on track and help us to properly execute anything!

When were you truly happy?

After reading this great book called Sabbath by Wayne Muller, I really started to think about a section he wrote about happiness. He talked about the false happy we get when we buy a new car, it feels like we are happy and once it gets the first scratch we are no longer on the happy high of the purchase. Since we cannot rely on things to make us truly happy, what then do we do to be happy? I posed this question to my Dad after dinner last night and a few glasses of wine, when were you truly happy? I assumed he would automatically say, the day I was born.. hehe But he went back further way further.. My Dad told me about a specific night in his life that he felt true happiness/joy. It was the night before Christmas and he was about 10 or 11. St. Anne's Church, an inner city catholic church, had an event for the kids that included goodies, a mass and of course penance. On his way home, which was several blocks from the church, along the snow banks and crisp air, he felt total happiness/joy. Nothing specific happened that night but he was freed from his 10 year old sins and was awaiting the arrival of Santa with a few goodies in his hand from the event. That is it.. Simple, that is what I thought... There was nothing spectacular about his story.. Hell he had a wife, 3 children, is a published author, has had great career moments but what stuck out in his mind of true happiness and joy was a simple event. How do we recapture those moments today so we can truly be happy? I don't know the answer to that but I challenge each of us tonight to think about a time in our lives when we were truly happy or filled with joy. In a small way, just sitting with my Dad talking over wine is happiness. He keeps me writing this book every day..

Write 3 chapters...

I spent the last week organizing my quickbooks and for those of you that don't know what that is, consider yourself lucky.. Quickbooks is our accounting system for the bakery and what a nightmare trying to get it all organized for the accountant. At the same time, I am trying to get all the w2's done for the staff and close out the bakery for good. I keep getting asked if I feel like a weight is lifted off my shoulders the further away the bakery becomes and the answer is yes and no. Yes removing the 800lb gorilla that was the bakery off my shoulders feels better but it is still an 800lb gorilla staring me in the face each day. I think it will take more than a few weeks to see any relief from the feelings of failure and frankly death of my business.
So I was informed by my sister to not overthink writing the book and just start writing.. So next week is dedicated to writing every day for a few hours each day. Each day I have been listening to a different song of inspiration and I wanted to share with everyone the ones I listened to this week. Check them out if you are feeling low.
1. Unwritten by Natasha Bedingfield
2. Broken by Lindsay Haun
3. Anyway by Martina Mcbride
4. I'm coming out by Diana Ross-This is for fun!
Have a great week!

Now What? Week 1

I handed in the keys to the bakery last night and it became official, my business had passed. It was like getting a death certificate and trying to put all the pieces together. The complex owner said,"I'm so sorry this didn't work out for you". I took a deep breathe and said, "thanks". I walked out of the empty bakery that no longer smelled of Whoopie Pies and cupcakes and began to cry. It was really gone. What do I do now? Naturally being the type of person that cannot sit still, I write a book about this experience, right? I hope people begin to follow this blog because it has 2 purposes, one is to chronicle the process of writing my book and two to provide some support for others who have suffered the death of a business.